Trump

I know we have never had a proper introduction, and I know you have had a clue about some things long before I ever had a clue about anything. I will make my stance known for its own sake for the last time. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AND THE THINGS YOU WILL NEVER ACCEPT, ACKNOWLEDGE, OR COME TO TERMS WITH. I FEEL SORRY FOR THE VIOLENTLY PREJUDICED AND CORRUPT MAN YOU ARE. I FEEL SORRY FOR THE RAPIST DELEGATED AUTHORITY YOU ALREADY GAVE AND THE THREAT OF DELEGATED AUTHORITY YOU STILL POSESS. THERE MAY BE A DAY WHERE THE TRUTH OF HOW RAPED I AM WILL SMACK YOU IN THE FACE. AND WHEN IT DOES, I HOPE IT SMACKS YOU HARD. I KNOW THE REAL INTEGRITY I'VE HAD AND I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU THAT YOU SEE AGGRESSION AS BEING SUPERIOR TO INTEGRITY. ANYBODY CAN BE AGGRESSIVE OVER ANYTHING ANYTIME THEY WANT. BUT OF COURSE ON TOP OF THAT, YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PREJUDICED REGARDLESS OVER THE AMOUNT OF INTEGRITY ANYONE HAS HAD. IN ANOTHER THOUGHT, I KNOW ANYTIME I HAVE SHOWN GREAT RESISTANCE, IS A TIME MORE PEOPLE GO APESHIT OVER THE WHOLE AUTHORITY ISSUE. I FEEL SORRY THAT YOU NEVER SAW ANYONE'S DESPERATION, EXTREMISM, OR SLAVE LABOR. I FEEL SORRY YOU NEVER SAW IT FOR THE TRUTH IT WAS, AND I FEEL SORRY THAT YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO CORRECT ANYONE FOR THEIR SLAVE LABOR AND HOW OUT OF CONTROL THEY WERE TO TRY TO OWN, POSSESS, OR MOLEST MY LIFE. I FEEL SORRY FOR THE POWER YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS AND THE REAL CRIMINAL ACTS YOU AND THEY COMMIT AND THAT YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT LIKE THAT. I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THE SERIOUSLY WRONGFUL CONTROLLING PERSON YOU ARE. YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER PLANET OF THE APES.

Benefit of the Doubt

You're still mostly dancing with my Mary Jane. A lot of things I won't be saying much about some things I will talk. It is still painful to have to talk to you. I see your persistence again. While I have given you both the criticism you asked for and I believed with what your persistence was supposed to mean: You're not giving up on making me your conquest. You're not giving up on leading me on just so you can either hurt me again or pretty much the first statement, where you seriously want to be the one who is 100% rejecting me and there is nothing about me that is not rejecting of you (conquested loser)... I'm just going to give your persistence the benefit of the doubt, and think that there must be some reason you are remaining persistent. You're still obviously the only one who has had any sort of chance with me, and the odds being lessened more and more through the years. I have never seen myself as Bree Ann's lesbian, not ever will. I have never been willing or agreeable or have any kind of life invested in the made up polygamous marriage. I still see you mostly both as Mr. and Mrs. Calvin along with more putrid things as rabies, savagery, desperate and crackhead stupidity. Whatever crackhead bondage victimization game is going on; I am nowhere in the least being fooled. I am nowhere in the least feeling justified when it is her turn to be the one behind bars. This is nothing but another cheap game you want to play with me, where I am not persuaded that you mean it or have ever meant it. As the above criticism discusses, I just assume this is more of your arrogance and cheapness that doesn't understand what it means to pay a price. Personally, I don't know how you will ever even find a way to make up for it. Maybe you have been forced by someone else to suffer the consequences, or maybe you really do take me seriously and could be suffering over the things that I have been yelling at you for. Besides believable criticism, I am just giving you the benefit of the doubt. I don't know whatever is going on with Katie's husband David, but I am pretty upset at the way he wants to play games or kid himself or threaten me with whatever bullshit violence he has. If he feels helpless with me, he can stay feeling helpless, because he is seriously not a challenge and has no chance with me. Whatever arbitrage you want to make up with him, is just your own bullshit Jon. I know some recent gossip with you can be taken in 2 ways... In taking it with you, do you really think you have me persuaded of any sincerity at all? Do you also think you could win my trust? I don't know what to say to your persistence anymore Jon. Nothing has changed about my idealism. I am still the same seriously offended woman. I am not changing for you over anything. If there is something else you are expecting, I don't know what it is you are expecting. Maybe you did think I have changed and was terribly mistaken. You can still go on your own way. I just don't know your persistence with what it is.

Hey Jon

talking about life...... ... ..... ..... Well, the title of this blog remains the same. I am hoping that I will be having a better weekly flow of income soon. I definitely should have been more than able to afford a car and place of my own by now, but when extreme haters live to be extreme haters and tyrants, it just doesn't work out. I still hope for more justice in my life. I hope for more rescue of a lot of things, and esp. rescued from ppl who lie. You ask what type of men I like? The type that I know when I'll see and know. Sometimes, I have taken interest in several different types, but there is no category I am gungho for. There are definitely types that I get turned off over. I don't like guys who are skinnier than me, but I'm not out for the meathead either. Not completely like the real Snooki. talk talk talk. I'll just know it when I see it, and I'll know a perfect one when I see one. I have been proven wrong before when thinking a man is perfect. ................... Although I'm being nicer to you with the company, there are still lots of things I won't talk about with you. For myself, it isn't always easy being lonely either, but it has always been worth it to keep myself. I'm not asking you to pick out any friends. You have always been the most royal fuckup and tyrant when you control me how I should feel about someone or wanting me to get along or being someone's lesbian, and the way you have always wrongly judged me as a person. You're just one of the most hateful intentional fuckups I know. ................. I don't care to know who your friends are or how real they are and how much more you want to pick fights against me with them. I know I've remained unresponsive with "Glee," and havn't even watched it, but has anyone ever told you just how high school you and your ego really are? This is not another thing I am seriously trying to war over. I just know you don't know the half of what I really think of you sometimes. It isn't my fault that you choked out my voice and truth for the sick sake of another. There will be a lot of things you'll never know. ..... Today has been a long day. I'm going to eat dinner now. bye.

You can't break my heart

You're just not allowed Dale. You just can't break my heart. My best assumption is, is that you could be a wolf in sheep's clothing and I don't want you to. At least you didn't lead me on too much. I have a feeling you are butting heads with Jared and this is about your own personal "Gabby" wife. I know it gets a little confusing because my fantasy of wanting to play the Gabby role by Eva Longoria, but I think we all know what we are talking about. Furthermore, we could have had another collision in a Javier and Penelope arbitrage. No, I'm not seeking to be Vicky, or having a Vicky Barcelona story to ever be truthfully made. I don't know why some people don't want to give up on wanting Vicky Barcelona to happen; I don't want it to happen. Dear Lord baby Dale, you just had to test and mess with me! You just had to come along and crash into me somewhere for whatever reason!?!?!?!?! What reason Dale?!?!?! I hate being led on and let down. I hate it I hate it I hate it. My real simplicity both independently and with Jared is that I will always have a mind of my own. I will not be forced to have a queen or some sort of follower for any woman. I hate whoever has this never ending obsession. My best guess is Sam who wants to hate me to death for being independent and a libertarian. Sore loser for what I said about authoritarianism and slandering both sexes "suck it," mentality and domination games. I'm serious too Dale. DON'T MESS WITH ME EITHER! Dale Earnhardt, you should know this of all people! When something is earned, IT CAN'T BE EARNED IN A ONE-SIDED WAY. IT HAS TO BE DECIDED ON IN A SERIOUSLY NON-DECEPTIVE, NON-FOOLING, NON-TRICKING, HONEST WAY. YOU JUST CAN'T FAIL ME WITH THIS DALE. YOU CAN'T SAY WHEN A PERSON HAS REFUSED AND DENIED SOMEONES DOMINANCE, THAT IT IS STILL OK TO GO AHEAD AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR WAY WITH THEIR RAPE. YOU CAN'T SAY IT IS OK TO DO THAT DALE. YOU CAN'T SAY RAPE IS OK. YOU CAN'T USE ANYTHING AGAINST A PERSON (THEIR OWN REAL DECISION, THEIR LEVEL OF WEALTH, THEIR LEVEL OF GOOD OR BAD LOOKS, THEIR LEVEL OF ANYTHING) WHEN THEY SAY "NO." WHEN SOMEONE SAYS NO DALE, THEY FUCKING SAY NO. IT IS NOT OK TO FIND DESPERATE EXCUSES FOR THE RAPIST TO JUSTIFY THEMSELF OR THAT IT IS OK TO HAVE THEIR WAY. IT IS NOT OK TO LET SOMEONE THINK THEY WIN THEIR OWNERSHIP OF SOMEONE. THEY CAN'T OWN WHEN THEY'RE BEING TOLD NO. MAYBE I TERRIBLY ASSUMED A BETTER CREEDENCE OF YOU, BUT OBVIOULSY, THIS MUST NOT MEAN WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN. EXCUSE ME FOR THINKING YOU STOOD FOR SOMETHING ELSE. Why did you have to lead me on like that Dale.

Dale

Congrats with google! ..... The Watchmen. I think I have already talked about the movie before. There are so many things I hate talking about online. I know I've already crossed my own lines before, but sometimes I would just kill for a more private conversation with someone. I would have to rewatch it again to refresh my memory. There have been times where some arbitrage is not only impossible in itself, but impossible to talk about. . . I have some relief that I'm not being negatively judged or seen as the bad guy with you. No victimization games over my innocence. I'd more than love to keep your company. I'd love for you to be my angel too. I'm not sure what you entirely think of me, but I like the way you're letting yourself in through this door too. The Watchmen really has a good bit to talk about, because there are some things that left me unanswered with the picture of it all and trying to make sense of it all. I know there are some movies that I have some correlation and where I've been written about. I have different thoughts to different ones and whether or not I have any offense to some more of the offensive ones. I guess I can sometimes feel like a little hero in some ways, but I don't really get too full of myself about it. It is like some kind of acknowledgement with an impossible credit. I really did hate the way that I was being lied about in "Savages." Some movies I have yet to see. I still have refused to watch "Les Mis." What a violent damning way to curse me to my face more. lol. I don't believe in movies. I don't understand the obsessions people have. (There really is no intentional intention of working at the recent club "Obsessions," that I work at. ..... Dale, I've always known of your name in everyday life, but I question if I've already missed out on you in sometime, or how or when you had your own time in coming to my life. I'm sorry if I have missed out on you or haven't caught onto you or made a connection. I am surprised and shockeD that you are somehow around and that I have your attraction. I'm happy that I do. ...............................I'll probably be blogging to you more later unless there is another form of communication to be reached by you or reach you, and have a good evening until then! muah!

Booties shaking like Dale Yeah!

That really sucks that your engine screwed up on you on Sunday. That was the first full Nascar game I watched. It's not as boring as it had originally looked. I only got 2 hours of sleep the previous night, so nothing personal when I fell asleep........ You leave me guessing in several different ways Dale, and I love the good way you're making me to keep guessing. Some things still feel a little abstract and I don't know what to do Dale, or what to do with you. hhmmmmmm. Not sure what you really think of me as a stripper. I know you're not for prostitution. Stripping and prostitution are just not the same. If you have a complaint about me being a stripper, you can't complain unless you've rescued me or want to be my personal provider. I am definitely there for the money when being a stripper. I wonder if I've confused you a little on the scene. Maybe you just don't get the time and the place. I have already hated the way some guys have come and gone without paying much and would rather talk about being in a relationship with me. Of course with you, in another setting is a different story. About me: I don't always trust some info. If there was a guy in there who was being a senator for you, I most likely didn't trust him. Of course there have been some men I don't feel comfortable with, but my main purpose of being there is to make money. Almost like other jobs, I don't care, some things I look over. That's all the further I'll go about stripping. I know I can have fun and just do whatever. ...... Donkey. donkey. donkey. I'm a little confused on how to take this one. Is Jon Stewart threatening your life? Are there other people threatening your life? Fuck Jon and fuck the others who want to threaten you. Not that I want to fuck them or want you to fuck them, just being literally figurative. Jon Stewart hasn't earned me and doesn't deserve me. He won't deserve me in this lifetime. He is just another retard Gadaffi who doesn't want to give up on his tyranny and terrorism. He won't prove anything if he threatens you or kills you. The crackhead with rabies. ............ Dale, I'm not saying too much about it but you better know I get hot and horny for you. I'm not sure what you're out for or up to, but I'm not denying my sex drive for you. muah!

smiles, waiting on Dale

lol. Dear Lord Baby Dale, please do not identify or compare yourself to the actual character, Jon, or Sam. If you are a sincere guilty association, yes, you still can't win. It was a funny flirt with you being the man with the blue beard to capture me, but you just can't tell a story that has never been made. (I dare you) I think it was a great thing that Coco did succeed in life. (of course I hadn't finished watching the movie at the time I was making comments). I know I don't really aspire to be a fashion designer. The crafter I am most likely wouldn't make her millions. I like the art of hand design, and if I did create and machine my own designs, it just wouldn't be the same hobby. I've always given myself the credit of knowing I make effort and try in the past several workplaces I have tried to work in. Different stories of different types of rejection that I am still too confident and proud for. I know the ways I have been rigged, wronged, lied about, and the times of no relevance. Dale, maybe you are my Superman. I just don't know if you really know what you need to save me from or how you are going to save me. When you are associated with Jon, Sam, and possibly others, I have no other choice but to doubt your ability. However, I don't fully or completely doubt you.

Why You Still Don't Qualify as Superman

You're smart enough to recognize begging works a little, but it is just not going to work. You're too late to beg. If you must know what I think of Beyoncé, I do deny her and her sense of authority and her fascism as well. I was a fan of hers for awhile, but I am not on her side for several different reasons. Therefore, even though I'm shoved into a corner, I'm not choosing either of you. I AM STILL AS INDEPENDENT AS I WILL EVER BE. AND BEYONCE SHOULD KNOW THAT JUST BECAUSE A PERSON KNOWS THERE INDEPENDENT DOESN'T MEAN THEY ARE ALL HER "INDEPENDENT WOMAN" FOLLOWER. Women should know they can do it on their own and have their own credit. I know this is another attempted impossible trap and bondage game because if I am always going to be losing to a tyrant or treated as a slave.............. I'll keep dying alone or waiting for a different rescue or opportunity. Beyoncé does not qualify as Superman either.

Keep thinking your nigger ass has what it takes

Jon, I still refuse to commit suicide and it is a promise that I will always refuse to commit suicide. I do not know why I am still alive. I just don't. I don't know whatever the hell people are waiting on. Personally, I know just how much of a morbid rabied man you are. You want me to suffer a long morbidly raped death. I can already tell. I don't know what other same men are in on your gang rape. I can already see some of your other nigger women. (Especially Kim, Stacy, and Trina). With the way my work history has been, it has seemed more than impossible to ever be saving for a car or house. So, do you know what my poor ass is going to do this year with the same small poor ass money that I get? Indulge x10. Yeah, you really taught me a lesson with bankruptcy alright and just how much more I need to be punished and live myself down YOU FUCKING NIGGER THAT HAS HAD ALL JOBS RIGGED AND LIVES TO HAVE ANY REASON TO PUNISH AND KEEP MY LIFE THREATENED AND IN FEAR YOU VIOLENT MORBID WORTHLESS NIGGER WHO THINKS HE CAN SUCCESSFULLY MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THE NOTHING YOU WANT TO REDUCE ME TO. NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER. I am really going to make my indulgence noticeable. Of course I already know I will keep taking care of Mitzi enough (Keeping other social work gods dominantly mocked for the way they have never seen the obvious RAPE FOR WHAT IT HAS BEEN . Maybe I will get lucky and find the right kind of job. However, if it still is the same rigged shithole of a job that the niggers will probably keep wanting to put on me and wanting me to feel responsible, I AM GOING TO STAY INDULGENT NO MATTER WHAT. YOU CAN'T EFFECT MY SELF WORTH. YOUR AUTHORITY HAS NEVER HAD WHAT IT TAKES. YOU ARE SUCH A SICK MORBID MAN THAT I WILL KEEP HATING TO MY DEATH. I AM GOING TO EAT CAKE, ICE CREAM, AND CHOCOLATES IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, AND I AM STILL GOING TO WORK MY BUT OFF TO KEEP MY FIT BODY THAT I CAN RUB IN HOW WELL I KEEP TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. I AM GOING TO LOUNGE ON THE BEACH OR POOLS LIKE NO OTHER. I AM GOING TO TREAT MYSELF TO AT LEAST 3-5 MASSAGES THIS YEAR AND POSSIBLY THROW IN A PEDICURE OR FACIAL. I AM GOING TO KEEP RUBBING IN HOW LITTLE OTHER DOMINANT, AUTHORITATIVE PEOPLE MEAN TO ME. I AM GOING TO KEEP MAKING THE SICK JOKE OUT OF THEIR DOMINANCE THAT THEIR SICK FUCK SICK JOKE HAS ALWAYS BEEN. I AM GOING TO KEEP THE SAME PEOPLE MOCKED YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR. DAYS GO BY AND BY AND BY AND BY AND I COULD NEVER BE ANY MORE INDULGENT WITH MY POOR ASS MONEY AS MUCH AS I CAN. You fucking low life nigger.

Pacing Pacing Pacing

Jon, I seriously don't like the way you are touching me for yourself now. You think you are mucho swavay, but you're not. I see how you want to corner me with your tough man game and knowing what some my emotions are, or you are arrogantly lying about who I am that much more. Yes, this is still a failed structure for you to think you win because of the emotional victim that I am. I could have more argumentative remarks to make, but I'm just not going to go there yet. I seriously want to solve my problem and don't care to create additional rabbit trails. I know I have been straight and to the point to keep refusing you, but it is just not working. pacing pacing pacing. I can't stand the way you think you deserve me. I can't stand what your hands still are or that they are still even on your arms at all. I know you're not coming to your senses with me. Don't you dare think you own me like that. I hate your guts.

addendum to scream

Rahm, I seriously need more than just cuteness (judge joe brown joke) I'm sure you have been around somewhat. Jon has gangraped me so hard for several different women. He has subjected me, been sexually abusive in number of ways and I can't stand the helpless, defenseless vulnerable adult I am anymore. I hate being undermined. I hate the way I know people take themselves seriously and get sick on me in the worst ways. I hate the way they believe I feel inferior. I hate them so much for subjecting me . I hate Jon so much . I am so sick of whatever quick fixes there are. I hate my life and people so much. I hate it I'm screaming I'm screaming I'm screaming. I hate people's guts.

Rahm

I don't know when you're going to be an angel again and pull through for me and help me out more, but I have been fuming all day. I have a blood curdling scream for help with what my work history has been and the corrupt ways I've been shit on. I know I'm not special at all. I know people do treat me like I'm special or want to beat me to death to reduce me to nothing no matter what I do. I hate the way I've always been treated. I hate knowing I'm too good and am forced to lose anyway. I hate the way people have been ridiculous and desperate and I hate the nigger games people play. Besides getting under my skin in some ways, Jon has been getting in my skin like that again today. He refuses to be called a nigger or the jealously desperate and judgmental bigot he has been. He will never be wrong for the ways he has lived to torment me, damn me, and try to make me feel like the most inadequate person to ever walk the planet. I hate people who are judgmental period. But if people are actually going to dare to be judging, you'd think they wouldn't be such dead give aways or such violent crackheads about it. I hate how violently wronged I've been. I am screaming so violently on the inside over the niggers Jon Stewart and Bree Ann Mackey and other people I have been blind-sided to. I hate Jon's shallow and intentionally hateful rape for what it has been. I hate his guts I hate his guts I hate his guts. I want gallons of acid to be poured on Jon and Bree Ann and whatever nigger mother fucker's have been wanting to reduce me to nothing. I fucking hate their guts for the way they think they have me outsmarted, outdone, deny my credit, being the violent niggers they have been altogether. I could just scream and scream for how much I hate on their's and other peoples dominance who think they are the shit and know it all. I hate their guts so much. I graduated in 2007 Rahm with an earned Social Work degree Rahm. People have done nothing but desperately overanalyze and reduce me to nothing. I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE THE FUCKTARDS WHO HAVE LIVED TO DAMN IT SO MUCH. I WANT JUSTICE.

Oh Canada

Traveling has always been on my mind. From time to time, there have been many places I have wanted to travel and visit. However, I just wouldn't want to go unless I've already been to Canada first. I've felt if there was any first place I would travel to, it would HAVE to be Canada. I've never had a specific date in mind. I've known my impossible life for awhile, and besides all of the other besides and reasons to not go, I would feel so much better if I went to Canada. Travel back to Canada for every other traveling trip? I don't know if I would do something like that. It almost seems choosing places to travel could compare to choosing places to bar hop. ha! Not a serious comparison, or that much of a comparison at all. I think going to Canada would put me out of some of my pain. I know some people can be symbolic. Just wearing a t-shirt with a Canadian symbol wouldn't do justice enough. I'm going to Canada, and I'm probably going to buy a Canadian souvenir shirt anyway. On top of all that, I shouldn't have to travel to Canada in a literal way to begin with to give myself the symbol: Now, I am officially too good for you since I've gone to Canada. I know that I shouldn't have to do that, or structures should EVER SERIOUSLY be that way. I'm not just doing it for the symbolism of it though. I've been wanting to go to Canada for a long time and see what it is all about. I need this trip and I just have to have it........My taxes didn't work out the way they were supposed to. Student loans ate a lot of them up; I just can't let those student loans burst my bubble. I'm upset because I know I won't be able to afford a vacation to Mitzi in addition. It is what makes me feel torn the most. However, she is so young that the non-vacation circumstance won't have much of an effect on her this year. I think the first time I went on vacation was when I was in 4th grade. If it was younger, I wouldn't have even remembered it. There are future years ahead where I continue to hope that I have the reasonable income that I should have. I hope that I either find new structures or old structures will collapse over itself the right way because of just how flawed the foundation was. There have got to be jobs out there that lack of tyranny, gangsterism, and poor ridiculous/desperate/irrelevant employment structure. (I don't know how long I will be the same broken record.) Canada will make me feel better. Even if I get rejected from some Canadians, I have a feeling I will feel at home when I get there. (Don't know if I would literally want to live there because of the cold weather climate. Maybe Canada just makes itself so worth it regardless of its climate.)

NO.

Can't believe you're going for it Jon. Despite past arbitrage abuse, and refusing to be mocked if it is not arbitrage abuse, and seriously believing you are seriously making a pass at me through "Christi Brinkly," I have to say something more for myself. .....It really does surprise me to hear that you regret yourself. It really does surprise me. However, your sweet talk is not enough. Nothing from you will ever be enough. Even if I won a lawsuit against you where I sue and get money because of your abusive history, or if you were to personally pay me off, nothing will ever change the terrible and rapist actions you have already made. I see you already lying, judging, and harassing me for the sake of my dad. I still think you are both sick in the head, and I still hate your intentionally disturbing rape in full. Don't think I don't get my dad's sexual abuse, and don't think I think you are the only man who would tag team him. You will always be too sick in the head and I'm sick of being reminded and disturbed from your past sexually and mentally disturbing actions you made the choice to do. And in "Like A Stone,": I already said as usual not all the lyrics match. I have no regrets and feelings of wrongdoing. Outside of the song, I've ALWAYS KNOWN THAT TRUTH ABOUT MYSELF AND I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN PLENTY OF OTHER TRUTHS BESIDES THAT. I haven't forgotten about your Calvin either and the number of gang raping women you lived to subject to and torment me with knowing I never would feel inferior...... You are instinctively right about the type of man I am trying to attract, and I'm sure you are not the only man who thinks he has what it takes to keep me with "The Police." I really have issues with the way I haven't been noticed the right way, or the ways I have never been rescued at all, if so many people see the obvious things going on in my life. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVN'T BEEN RESCUED. I WILL NOT COMMIT SUICIDE. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE NOT BEEN KILLED YET, OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS MY KILLER HAS BEEN WAITING FOR. I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM THE DAMNED PERSON THAT I AM WHO SUFFERS GREAT AMOUNTS OF INHUMANITY. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANY REASON KNOWING THERE WAS NEVER A GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER TO MAKE AND KEEP MY LIFE SO DAMNED. ........AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU THINK YOU WOULD SERIOUSLY STILL HAVE A CHANCE WITH ME. THE ANSWER IS NO

As the Sarah Turns

I really know, the real Superman does not exist. If there really was any man under super man pressure, I have some wonder about it, but not too far. Do some men know the non-existence of Superman so much that the idea of being a protector or rescuer is just a mundane thing? Are there some men out there that really burn when they get the extents and impossibilities of being a superman? I've already met the polar opposites of Superman who've lived to damn me and would probably throw a fit or maybe even bomb something if I did ever find a Superman. If there were someone who burned to be superman, I wonder how they would settle the extreme opposing ends to find some peace in themselves in the relationship. How would the guy make the reality come together? Another reminder of snowflakes. After so much arbitrage is used, not everyone has the same thoughts or ways to decide on things...... Then comes my own perfectionist criticism which may or may not be realized: Brawn vs. Brain. Even though Brawn vs. Brain looks easily summed up I do have my own personal sophistication. Not every man thinks with his Brawn or Brain all the time. They can be the typical man. If he does mean his rescue or his wit, just how much does he mean it? ................... Anyway... Which guy do I want to start with first. Right now I have this serious need to get the facts and know the truth and put myself out of whatever misery. I have this anxiety that I can't stand right now. I'll start with Edward. I've seen signs of him everywhere. Both positive and negative. My instincts just don't trust Edward right now. Although he has one agenda, he does seem like he is being a little swooning to me. He still hasn't called. Maybe he does still have some feelings and doesn't want to give up on me. A part of me is happy to hear that, but another part of me has an instinctive distrust. Maybe he wasn't responsible for some of the arbitrage, but I'm questioning what is he guilty of? I have seen that innocent smile before where I know the smile is not innocent. It comes from the biggest, sickest sex offenders of them all. I hate to have to question Edward, but is he really guilty of some of the extreme sexual harassment I have just experienced in the last couple of days? They gave one sign of who was responsible but I see how Edward could be framed to be guilty in the arbitrage. I can't just be blindsided by that or left to wonder if or how much of a sick and violent sex offender Edward is. It really is not ok. I want a serious punishment or murder for how I was sexually offended. ............. For the next, I'll talk about Travis. I really am wondering what he is thinking. Shawn has been an impossible local this whole time. Whether Travis knew the enemy Shawn was, he now knows. I wonder how impossible of a local Travis is going to be. I wonder if he is going to be the same distant but there person, or if he is actually going to say anything about it. Other possible connections, I wonder how impossible they are. I really do wonder if Travis is a bisexual swinger, or mostly gay, or mostly straight. Does he intentionally want to hurt me with Shawn? If Travis does want something to do with me and not let go, I think I do deserve to know some of his truth because of the broadcast movie: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Does Travis have an impossible God complex, or does he want to have a sit down conversation? (without making it to awkward)........ I did get a message from Blake. Blake, if credit is due you, I will thank you too for giving me the message over a year ago that I made my wonderful discovery of being pregnant. At Goodwill. If there is something you want, you can only manipulate so much. I know you are associated with Maggie, but maybe it has nothing to do with Maggie at all. .................. I've had a few other guys on my mind and will eventually have more of a thought, but a lot is up in the air. I am taking note of things I am seeing around. While I may not see everything going on in the job market, I am picking up on some info. I'm not going to say much about it for now, and can just wait until however long I can wait..........

Is anyone in their senses anywhere?

I still can't see who holds the largest amount of responsibility in their hands with the ways I am getting terrorized and raped, but I hope there is a large number of people who commit suicide. I hate the psychotic crackheads or haters that can't get it out of themselves how much they deserve to terrorize and rape me. I know there was never any excuse with the rape and hate crimes I have been forced to be aware of and suffer and be victimized. There has never been a point proved. I hate people with everything I have in me and I don't know how to scream for help anymore than I already have. No one was ever right or righteous to begin with. THERE ARE PSYCHOTIC DISTURBING RAPIST MURDERS AND THEY FUCKING KNOW WHO THEY ARE AND FUCK THE TIMES THEY GIVE THEMSELVES SO MUCH PRIDEFUL CREDIT OF THEIR RAPE AND THEIR "WIN" I fucking hate the desperate pigs people are. I fucking hate people who think they are superior to me. I fucking hate the sick fuckbags they are and they way they do nothing but terrorize me to death. They scream for more attention or for me to scream more all the time. I FUCKING HATE WHOEVER GAVE THEM THEIR POWER. I FUCKING HATE THE WAY THEY THINK THEIR TERRORISM AND RAPE IS RIGHT. I FUCKING HATE THEM FOR THINKING IT WAS RIGHT. I FUCKING HATE THE PEOPLE WHO KEEP LYING AND GIVING THEMSELVES OR SOMEONE ELSE THE CREDIT. I FUCKING HATE THE NUMBER OF WIGGERS OR NIGGERS THEY ARE. I HATE THE NIGGERS AND WIGGERS GLORY. I HATE THEIR SICK FUCK MINDS AND HOW NOTHING HAS STOPPED THEIR MADNESS. I HOPE EVERY RAPIST GETS MURDERED FOR THINKING THEY ARE RIGHT IN THEIR RAPE, SEXUAL OFFENSES, AND TERRORISM. I HATE THE WAY THEY THINK THEY CAN PROVE ANYTHING. SUCH RETARD SAVAGE BARABARIAN FUCKBAGS. I HATE NO ONE RESOLVES THE PSYCHOTIC ANARCHY IN MY LIFE. I HATE CRACKHEADS AND DRUG GANGS AND RAPE GANGS. YOU PROVED NOTHING YOU FUCKING SORE LOSERS.