Benefit of the Doubt

You're still mostly dancing with my Mary Jane. A lot of things I won't be saying much about some things I will talk. It is still painful to have to talk to you. I see your persistence again. While I have given you both the criticism you asked for and I believed with what your persistence was supposed to mean: You're not giving up on making me your conquest. You're not giving up on leading me on just so you can either hurt me again or pretty much the first statement, where you seriously want to be the one who is 100% rejecting me and there is nothing about me that is not rejecting of you (conquested loser)... I'm just going to give your persistence the benefit of the doubt, and think that there must be some reason you are remaining persistent. You're still obviously the only one who has had any sort of chance with me, and the odds being lessened more and more through the years. I have never seen myself as Bree Ann's lesbian, not ever will. I have never been willing or agreeable or have any kind of life invested in the made up polygamous marriage. I still see you mostly both as Mr. and Mrs. Calvin along with more putrid things as rabies, savagery, desperate and crackhead stupidity. Whatever crackhead bondage victimization game is going on; I am nowhere in the least being fooled. I am nowhere in the least feeling justified when it is her turn to be the one behind bars. This is nothing but another cheap game you want to play with me, where I am not persuaded that you mean it or have ever meant it. As the above criticism discusses, I just assume this is more of your arrogance and cheapness that doesn't understand what it means to pay a price. Personally, I don't know how you will ever even find a way to make up for it. Maybe you have been forced by someone else to suffer the consequences, or maybe you really do take me seriously and could be suffering over the things that I have been yelling at you for. Besides believable criticism, I am just giving you the benefit of the doubt. I don't know whatever is going on with Katie's husband David, but I am pretty upset at the way he wants to play games or kid himself or threaten me with whatever bullshit violence he has. If he feels helpless with me, he can stay feeling helpless, because he is seriously not a challenge and has no chance with me. Whatever arbitrage you want to make up with him, is just your own bullshit Jon. I know some recent gossip with you can be taken in 2 ways... In taking it with you, do you really think you have me persuaded of any sincerity at all? Do you also think you could win my trust? I don't know what to say to your persistence anymore Jon. Nothing has changed about my idealism. I am still the same seriously offended woman. I am not changing for you over anything. If there is something else you are expecting, I don't know what it is you are expecting. Maybe you did think I have changed and was terribly mistaken. You can still go on your own way. I just don't know your persistence with what it is.

Hey Jon

talking about life...... ... ..... ..... Well, the title of this blog remains the same. I am hoping that I will be having a better weekly flow of income soon. I definitely should have been more than able to afford a car and place of my own by now, but when extreme haters live to be extreme haters and tyrants, it just doesn't work out. I still hope for more justice in my life. I hope for more rescue of a lot of things, and esp. rescued from ppl who lie. You ask what type of men I like? The type that I know when I'll see and know. Sometimes, I have taken interest in several different types, but there is no category I am gungho for. There are definitely types that I get turned off over. I don't like guys who are skinnier than me, but I'm not out for the meathead either. Not completely like the real Snooki. talk talk talk. I'll just know it when I see it, and I'll know a perfect one when I see one. I have been proven wrong before when thinking a man is perfect. ................... Although I'm being nicer to you with the company, there are still lots of things I won't talk about with you. For myself, it isn't always easy being lonely either, but it has always been worth it to keep myself. I'm not asking you to pick out any friends. You have always been the most royal fuckup and tyrant when you control me how I should feel about someone or wanting me to get along or being someone's lesbian, and the way you have always wrongly judged me as a person. You're just one of the most hateful intentional fuckups I know. ................. I don't care to know who your friends are or how real they are and how much more you want to pick fights against me with them. I know I've remained unresponsive with "Glee," and havn't even watched it, but has anyone ever told you just how high school you and your ego really are? This is not another thing I am seriously trying to war over. I just know you don't know the half of what I really think of you sometimes. It isn't my fault that you choked out my voice and truth for the sick sake of another. There will be a lot of things you'll never know. ..... Today has been a long day. I'm going to eat dinner now. bye.