Spare the Rod/ Spoil the Child, Cougar After You

Tom......................he loves me he loves me not...... still feel murdered....... I really would hate the idea of someone using you as a tool to just get me to talk. I see several signs, and I could careless as to how rude I am to some ppl, esp. Katy Perry. My life has been fucked with that much. I get the idea though of what the relationship with her could have been about. It still doesn't change a lot that has happened to me. You could have happened to be a certain person with the wrong person at an irrelevant time with no responsibility. You could have your own motive. I do remember the Comedy Central Special about those with autism. I've already said my main shpeal. The only person I was redblooded against was Jon. My entire pregnancy had already been a nightmare, (my life is still a nightmare to this day) and he violently lies and sexually offends me again with Katy Perry as one of his tools. I'm sure there were a lot of offenses that night that I may or may not have caught onto. I know the coldblooded rapist killer Jon is; and he will never have my trust again. I seriously do not want to be involved in his life in anyway. You have me on your bad side right now with whatever is going on. While I have a difficult time having to admit that it brings some kind of cheer that you don't want to give up on me, it does give me some kind of cheer. Despite the seemingly and impossible inevitable man, I just don't know how to be completely comfortable or open with you. Maybe I am someone special to you and have a piece of your heart, and don't know completely how or why. I don't know what drives you or what your motives are. I don't know what expectations you have. I have taken hints at other women in your life. I don't know what to say or do right now. You still may be expecting me to get a boob job for the "loser" I am. .......... Obviously not too much of a cougar, or I would be over it and would be more teasingly aggressive on top of you.........still not easy and impossibly complicated esp. with facts of life and status. angst. feel loved and helpless.