Spare the Rod/ Spoil the Child, Cougar After You

Tom......................he loves me he loves me not...... still feel murdered....... I really would hate the idea of someone using you as a tool to just get me to talk. I see several signs, and I could careless as to how rude I am to some ppl, esp. Katy Perry. My life has been fucked with that much. I get the idea though of what the relationship with her could have been about. It still doesn't change a lot that has happened to me. You could have happened to be a certain person with the wrong person at an irrelevant time with no responsibility. You could have your own motive. I do remember the Comedy Central Special about those with autism. I've already said my main shpeal. The only person I was redblooded against was Jon. My entire pregnancy had already been a nightmare, (my life is still a nightmare to this day) and he violently lies and sexually offends me again with Katy Perry as one of his tools. I'm sure there were a lot of offenses that night that I may or may not have caught onto. I know the coldblooded rapist killer Jon is; and he will never have my trust again. I seriously do not want to be involved in his life in anyway. You have me on your bad side right now with whatever is going on. While I have a difficult time having to admit that it brings some kind of cheer that you don't want to give up on me, it does give me some kind of cheer. Despite the seemingly and impossible inevitable man, I just don't know how to be completely comfortable or open with you. Maybe I am someone special to you and have a piece of your heart, and don't know completely how or why. I don't know what drives you or what your motives are. I don't know what expectations you have. I have taken hints at other women in your life. I don't know what to say or do right now. You still may be expecting me to get a boob job for the "loser" I am. .......... Obviously not too much of a cougar, or I would be over it and would be more teasingly aggressive on top of you.........still not easy and impossibly complicated esp. with facts of life and status. angst. feel loved and helpless.

The Boss Here

Why the boss name? Because I am the boss. I've always been my boss. Right now I can't completely identify you, but if you aren't careful with my boundaries I will be da Boss to you. I have never forced a man to love me a day in my life. Yes, I consider myself being manipulative, but not forcing. If other men lie, men lying is nothing new to me. Whoever you're with now Becky, Tabitha, whatever Kate or Katie in the matrix whoever.... neither of YOU do not have me owned. If you dare to subject me to whatever judgement, I will be even more available and maybe even chasing to the next pimp that comes along. If it isn't even judgement, I still will not accept any will of yours to subject me to yourself whatever woman you're with. Before I would let the next pimp win, it would be after I get fired and maybe a month later if I havn't found a job. If you dare challenge my truth or my history, I dare you to actually look up my history. I dare you to dare me to compromise the liberty of what I believe about surviving and what some REAL challenges are to me. Whether or not you will ever notice me again, I already see how life is too late for me. I won't blame myself for my vulnerability or will to survive. Before some bubbles of mine were burst today, I did feel the Cheezit love last night. I almost cried. But guess what? I can take your Dr. name away any time. Red Beard? Dale JR? ha. you have the nerve to give your name Dale Jr. Who knows, maybe Dale does believe in pimping to earn a heart. But if it is in a backwards way where "oh you have my prostitute trapped," yeah Tom you've earned my heart all right and I'm going to be dumbass enough in trying to be subservient to your sense and "dominance" of judgement. I am open to getting another job. But I'm just as open to letting a pimp win for just HOW LONG MY HISTORY OF SURVIVAL HAS STAYED THE SAME OLD FUCKING STORY. I won't argue against the name "Susan," too much. Susan off of Desperate Housewives. I know I'm emotional. And after our fake marriage and divorce comes along, I'm sure I'll have some kind of Mike come along. I FUCKING KNOW THOSE STORIES NEVER EXISTED. But, if you are going to identify yourself as Carl, you already know you can't kill me. Susan Boyle. I know I never went for a singing contest. And, if you must know, I never meant it when I identified myself as her. Calling myself Boyle was all bullshit. If you want to call me a frog because I would succumb to your pimp like that, my tweet is still the same: B-L-A-M-E-L-E-S-S.