I'm not going to elaborate on the title of this blog in this instance. It simply speaks for itself.
I also give condolences that has happened in the recent tragic shooting and to Sandy victims.
While still feeling helpless, I try to let the wheels in my head to turn anyway when it comes to making money. I will keep job seeking thoughts to myself. As a crafter, I have figured out crafting has its own addiction. There is something about crafting that I just like to continue with it. Problem is, the way some of my other problems conclude: money and time. While crafting isn't a dream job, it does give me the potential to make money on the side that I would have never made to begin with if I had done nothing with my time in being left for dead. Still, it takes time to job seek, fill out applications, make efforts to get a job. I guess for now, I am having a hard time deciding how much further I want to take it with crafting. There is an investment risk in the spring where I'll only know after it happens as to whether or not it will pay off. I do have more creative ideas in mind to try and I could try to be year round with experimenting with both seasonal and random crafts. The fact of the matter it is still an investment with both time and money. I'm just not sure how much farther I want to go as a crafter. I am having more entreprenueral ideas that I've been thinking of, but those ideas are years away to be able to come to fruition. Thinking about it and the other financial problems makes everything about life feel more and more impossible. I feel in despair when it comes to having a normal, regular, middle class income job. Not that it is me who is at fault; just the prediction of work history and finding out how people are. I know that statement isn't making it better, but who said free expression was ever free or inexpensive? I know I've already said it, but how dare I be the self-expressive person I am? Decisions about crafting. Decisions, decisions, decisions....................................
http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x97/freimaurer32/long-road.jpg
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
and waiting and waiting and waiting
...........................I think my biggest guess of giving credibility to any sort of abuse or death threat would go to your wife. I don't know how many shares she could have in the arbitrage with holding a decapitated head in the market, but that is my best guess...... On my end, it should be obvious that she should be the least threatened by my affair than any other woman you have had an affair with. Does she fail to see your hateful rape? Why would she make me the biggest threat? Maybe there could be people among me that could be on my team who would want to help give me justice and you some sort of capitalist punishment. Maybe she is doing it out of her own loyalty. I don't know.
As for you and Denny and Gitmo and your arrogant credit you give yourself for your sexual abuse, you still die in vain in my eyes. You can call it self-righteous all you want; you will always be sexually abusive, assaulting, and rapists in my eyes. I do deserve to sue someone over the loads of sexual abuse that I've had to experience. I have a little relief that some of your sexual abuse is being exploited, but it is done in such ways that I don't think will be clear enough with everyone. The Lord of the Flies with you and Denny and your gangrape gang gets uglier by the day. I'm not surprised that you and him would be best friends overnight like that.
You still had your own way of hitting on me despite all of the rape and hate. I hate the expectations you have of me to baby you or have some kind of affection or love for you after you do what you do. It isn't in me to be the bigger person that your would want me to be in your ideals. Keep exploiting yourself and keep falling off of your own or anyone else's exploitive cliffs.
I will give Seth Meyers the written credit that it was him I was thinking of in the movie "Up." But that has been done and over. I watched it when I was pregnant anyway where I was more vulnerable and emotional. So if Seth even sees it as a glory, it is only a small and temporary glory.
I don't know what to say to Duetch or any other people giving death threats. My mind hasn't changed about anything. ......................
As for you and Denny and Gitmo and your arrogant credit you give yourself for your sexual abuse, you still die in vain in my eyes. You can call it self-righteous all you want; you will always be sexually abusive, assaulting, and rapists in my eyes. I do deserve to sue someone over the loads of sexual abuse that I've had to experience. I have a little relief that some of your sexual abuse is being exploited, but it is done in such ways that I don't think will be clear enough with everyone. The Lord of the Flies with you and Denny and your gangrape gang gets uglier by the day. I'm not surprised that you and him would be best friends overnight like that.
You still had your own way of hitting on me despite all of the rape and hate. I hate the expectations you have of me to baby you or have some kind of affection or love for you after you do what you do. It isn't in me to be the bigger person that your would want me to be in your ideals. Keep exploiting yourself and keep falling off of your own or anyone else's exploitive cliffs.
I will give Seth Meyers the written credit that it was him I was thinking of in the movie "Up." But that has been done and over. I watched it when I was pregnant anyway where I was more vulnerable and emotional. So if Seth even sees it as a glory, it is only a small and temporary glory.
I don't know what to say to Duetch or any other people giving death threats. My mind hasn't changed about anything. ......................
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Rehash and updates
Jon,
I need to make it loud and clear WHY I am doing the rehashing. I am being pistol whipped. I need you and others to know you can never justify how violently damned my life has been. You can never justify how much time has been wasted and the damage done. No justification whatsoever.
That being said, a brief rehash and updates concerning my mother and father. Yes, I did do a little life reflection and comparison while away at college. Before the other long story of being called a schiz and me personally fighting through all of the labels, wars, and crossovers, my initial reaction was that I believed I was being watched and stalked. I never have had the reality ever hit me that hard that I was being watched and stalked the way I was. I felt severely alienated. I had an emotionally retarded overreaction where it was just its own conundrum. I don't know why I had freaked out the way I had. No, there has never been a fair trial and the violence therafter can never be justified. After living in shock and fear; I made myself go to the police who denied me and instead made me go to the hospital. I made it clear to all Dr's that it was an emotional reaction and just that. I also made it clear: that yes, I did see my father as an abusive man throughout childhood. My mother could also be accused of some sort of abuse. I really don't know why you keep needing me to keep saying the same story. Updates? I would still not accuse my father of being a pedophile but I would accuse him of sexual abuse. His sexual abuse is done in a Russian way where I cannot prove that he is being sexually abusive. I believe he has a sexual abusing gang with some connections at ATK and regardless of whatever their "intelligent judgement," is, if ever given a fair trial, I would call it rape and sexual abuse that cannot be justified.
I never initially assumed that you would have a sexual affair with my father. It was Kimmel's hearsay, not mine. I do not think in sexual terms most often. I never imagined how many sexual motives people have when it comes to a lot of things. If you wanted to call it religion or your own beliefs, I would still see you and others as sexual abusers, Jon. I see corruption and chaos that has no purpose.
It isn't just the animal sexual abuse that comes from you and lists of others, it is the desperation people that have that says they deserve to have control over me. Kim and Katie should have accepted defeat a long time ago with me. I never have and never will look up to either. Kim and Katie are not the only people who are guilty of being desperate for control and domination games. There are several other people who should have accepted defeat with me a long time ago as well. As for some men; I have such a hard time in believing after such a violent betrayal with Katie and Kim, they would still expect me to beg or compete for them. Jon, you know your defeat when you have to pistol whip me. It is disturbing when men further their rape to blame the victim and deny the horrific Gadaffi's that they really are. Repulsive arrogance to the extreme.
I know you and some other people wish I would play karma and fight eye for an eye. My fight is not your fight. I have my own agenda and my own way of life. I am different. I believe that intelligence and perfect judgement should come before beauty and drugs when lives, especially including mine, are at stake. That is why the thesis of Mad Men is much louder so I can hear how people are disagreeable with me. I feel like being egocentric just because. If I was a transvestitie, Jon; I would be your Valkyrie. Yes, you have brutalized my heart in the most unimaginable way and I don't know what more you expect me to say.
I need to make it loud and clear WHY I am doing the rehashing. I am being pistol whipped. I need you and others to know you can never justify how violently damned my life has been. You can never justify how much time has been wasted and the damage done. No justification whatsoever.
That being said, a brief rehash and updates concerning my mother and father. Yes, I did do a little life reflection and comparison while away at college. Before the other long story of being called a schiz and me personally fighting through all of the labels, wars, and crossovers, my initial reaction was that I believed I was being watched and stalked. I never have had the reality ever hit me that hard that I was being watched and stalked the way I was. I felt severely alienated. I had an emotionally retarded overreaction where it was just its own conundrum. I don't know why I had freaked out the way I had. No, there has never been a fair trial and the violence therafter can never be justified. After living in shock and fear; I made myself go to the police who denied me and instead made me go to the hospital. I made it clear to all Dr's that it was an emotional reaction and just that. I also made it clear: that yes, I did see my father as an abusive man throughout childhood. My mother could also be accused of some sort of abuse. I really don't know why you keep needing me to keep saying the same story. Updates? I would still not accuse my father of being a pedophile but I would accuse him of sexual abuse. His sexual abuse is done in a Russian way where I cannot prove that he is being sexually abusive. I believe he has a sexual abusing gang with some connections at ATK and regardless of whatever their "intelligent judgement," is, if ever given a fair trial, I would call it rape and sexual abuse that cannot be justified.
I never initially assumed that you would have a sexual affair with my father. It was Kimmel's hearsay, not mine. I do not think in sexual terms most often. I never imagined how many sexual motives people have when it comes to a lot of things. If you wanted to call it religion or your own beliefs, I would still see you and others as sexual abusers, Jon. I see corruption and chaos that has no purpose.
It isn't just the animal sexual abuse that comes from you and lists of others, it is the desperation people that have that says they deserve to have control over me. Kim and Katie should have accepted defeat a long time ago with me. I never have and never will look up to either. Kim and Katie are not the only people who are guilty of being desperate for control and domination games. There are several other people who should have accepted defeat with me a long time ago as well. As for some men; I have such a hard time in believing after such a violent betrayal with Katie and Kim, they would still expect me to beg or compete for them. Jon, you know your defeat when you have to pistol whip me. It is disturbing when men further their rape to blame the victim and deny the horrific Gadaffi's that they really are. Repulsive arrogance to the extreme.
I know you and some other people wish I would play karma and fight eye for an eye. My fight is not your fight. I have my own agenda and my own way of life. I am different. I believe that intelligence and perfect judgement should come before beauty and drugs when lives, especially including mine, are at stake. That is why the thesis of Mad Men is much louder so I can hear how people are disagreeable with me. I feel like being egocentric just because. If I was a transvestitie, Jon; I would be your Valkyrie. Yes, you have brutalized my heart in the most unimaginable way and I don't know what more you expect me to say.
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