Rehash and updates

Jon,
I need to make it loud and clear WHY I am doing the rehashing. I am being pistol whipped. I need you and others to know you can never justify how violently damned my life has been. You can never justify how much time has been wasted and the damage done. No justification whatsoever.
That being said, a brief rehash and updates concerning my mother and father. Yes, I did do a little life reflection and comparison while away at college. Before the other long story of being called a schiz and me personally fighting through all of the labels, wars, and crossovers, my initial reaction was that I believed I was being watched and stalked. I never have had the reality ever hit me that hard that I was being watched and stalked the way I was. I felt severely alienated. I had an emotionally retarded overreaction where it was just its own conundrum. I don't know why I had freaked out the way I had. No, there has never been a fair trial and the violence therafter can never be justified. After living in shock and fear; I made myself go to the police who denied me and instead made me go to the hospital. I made it clear to all Dr's that it was an emotional reaction and just that. I also made it clear: that yes, I did see my father as an abusive man throughout childhood. My mother could also be accused of some sort of abuse. I really don't know why you keep needing me to keep saying the same story. Updates? I would still not accuse my father of being a pedophile but I would accuse him of sexual abuse. His sexual abuse is done in a Russian way where I cannot prove that he is being sexually abusive. I believe he has a sexual abusing gang with some connections at ATK and regardless of whatever their "intelligent judgement," is, if ever given a fair trial, I would call it rape and sexual abuse that cannot be justified.
I never initially assumed that you would have a sexual affair with my father. It was Kimmel's hearsay, not mine. I do not think in sexual terms most often. I never imagined how many sexual motives people have when it comes to a lot of things. If you wanted to call it religion or your own beliefs, I would still see you and others as sexual abusers, Jon. I see corruption and chaos that has no purpose.
It isn't just the animal sexual abuse that comes from you and lists of others, it is the desperation people that have that says they deserve to have control over me. Kim and Katie should have accepted defeat a long time ago with me. I never have and never will look up to either. Kim and Katie are not the only people who are guilty of being desperate for control and domination games. There are several other people who should have accepted defeat with me a long time ago as well. As for some men; I have such a hard time in believing after such a violent betrayal with Katie and Kim, they would still expect me to beg or compete for them. Jon, you know your defeat when you have to pistol whip me. It is disturbing when men further their rape to blame the victim and deny the horrific Gadaffi's that they really are. Repulsive arrogance to the extreme.
I know you and some other people wish I would play karma and fight eye for an eye. My fight is not your fight. I have my own agenda and my own way of life. I am different. I believe that intelligence and perfect judgement should come before beauty and drugs when lives, especially including mine, are at stake. That is why the thesis of Mad Men is much louder so I can hear how people are disagreeable with me. I feel like being egocentric just because. If I was a transvestitie, Jon; I would be your Valkyrie. Yes, you have brutalized my heart in the most unimaginable way and I don't know what more you expect me to say.