I can't take it

Maybe I am chicken shitting over nothing, but I had to go with the obvious assumption anyway whether or not it is a lie or only coming from the other Ben. I am so sorry if I really did break your heart with Dane and Shawn. I never meant to hurt you the way that I feel hurt. I can't stand losing or being so violently betrayed anymore. Couldn't you have cut the karma and revenge and give me a break? You just made me feel that much more gang raped and defenseless. Yay Steve, more power to my sister's violent dumb crackhead who seriously does treat herself as my superior and is subjective. More power to Katie, Steve. I can't stand or handle how let down I am anymore. I thought you were going to be so much more of a better match than so many of the other guys, but you let me down just as much as they do. Katie is my enemy. She will always be my enemy. I am one to kill for and I need a man who is on my side and would be desperate and constant to stay on my side. I can't handle the betrayal or losing anymore. You sure put me out of my misery all right but did you really have to stab me in the heart like that? Did you have to make me feel that much more defenseless? I'm going to be crying and sobbing and then I am going to get over it. I'm going to keep recognizing there are other fish in the sea hoping that I won't have to keep begging the question: why do I always lose or get betrayed so constantly by so many guys? Why do the wrong guys keep coming to me? Why am I always being forced to feel like I'm the loser? I never meant to let you down like that Steve and I'm sorry that I wasn't awake and I'm sorry if I broke your heart, but you are really violently breaking mine.