Hate Cycle

I see it clearly.
Not quite. Some of the abuse is mystifying.
To have had my beginning start from after school graduation, I considered coming back to MD a fresh start.
I feel as if I am emotionally sucked dry. People seem to be losing their peopleness day by day and the system seems more clear because of it.
Its the manipulations.
Its the tricking, the rigging, the denial, the lying.
I'm sure I'm not the only one trying to save myself.

Despite hearing and receiving hate and abuse in present times, it still seems as if people are still aggressively fighting for possession and not letting go. Right now is a time I feel extremely suffocated.

I do see some good people who may see it my way and may want to help, but it seems so complicated to recieve some kind of help. At the same time, the people I see as being more suffocating and possessive may be the ones who see themselves as the good guy. This is usually the part of the cycle where there is chaos, more competitive abuse (because people feel their reputation is on the line; and whether people admit they can handle rejection or not).

The Ukraine acknowledgement was a very intelligent and understanding acknowledgement.
It may not rid me of my dilemma, but if people want to have the ability to make any establishments or efforts of communication with me, perceiving me as Ukraine is a good direction to start with. This does not mean that I am connecting myself to Cindy. It is the idea itself. Ukraine is a country in history that always wars for independence. Different countries have taken advantage of Ukraine from time to time because its government is not stable enough to support itself. Russia is one of the countries, and brought communism upon Ukraine's country. Ukraine is said to still have many positive attributes to its land, but it is still a vulnerable country due to the surrounding countries. I think other countries like Poland and in Europe have taken the land from time to time. They bring communism as well. A lot of people move out of Ukraine because they can't stand the constant battles either. It isn't exactly as intense as Israel concerning religion, but it is still an unsafe place because there are still sub groups that war and fight from time to time.
It is the constant battling and fighting that are one of Ukraine's major blocks and hinderances of success. Presently, they have a democracy, but there are still communist sects that may not have complete power but significant influence. It also has history of communism where the country still makes effort to adapt more to democracy and break away from its communist ties.

When I look at the media now, I hesitate to get involved. I feel like not much has changed and I am back in the cycle. Some efforts of communication make me smile and can bring joy to my heart from time to time. But the ultimate factor is my own proof of where I am in life: still in the cycle. I am once again unemployed and feel as if it is purposeful to give more attention to what is going on in the media.
I don't know if it is Obama (he is one of the people who make me smile sometimes) or someone else who is forcefully calling the shots in my life, but I think it is unreasonable, unfair, and selfish on their end. I feel like I am a good, intelligent person of worth and I feel other people are making me go to waste because of their possessive selfishness.
Obama, I don't have the heart to hate on him with everything in me. I don't have the heart to put him in the selfish category officially. I'm sure he knows what goes on more than I do and he makes decisions that may be the best for everyone (even if I don't think it is the best for me). My fear with Obama is if he will always make me go through this endless cycle. I know he won't always be president, but there is too much pressure sometimes.

The only thing I can do while waiting for Superman is try to make myself into my own Superman.