clicking my fingers on desk ~~~~ What arrogant confidence and nerve to keep hitting on me and making suggestion. You can always play the grade school games Jon, and say you are talking to someone else. I'm going to make you pay for testing me anyway. What a funny tweet darkpolitriks had when I envisioned in my head another youtube video of some kind of rifle or bazooka going off and off at some targeted destination. I guess we need more talk to get real...... Are either of us coping? Despite whatever bullshit has been I believe in more bullshit and definitely would believe the most in you murdering me.
talk on my side of getting real.................
Mr. and Mrs. Smith was an angry beautiful fantasy a long time ago. Although it seems the life correlations seem to happen often, it isn't an aim of a fantasy life for me. I really don't want the violent life or the violent love. The first time I watched it; I was unsettled. I understood what it felt like to be hooked and passionate for someone in my own world. I understood the murderous thoughts as well. Some of the hype from some of the real men or some men who never were at all just became rot and disgust over time. It was a lazy, selfish, and cheap way for some men to indulge in their typical male violent hype. I did feel like a Mrs. Smith sex object in the past and still on some occassions. With some real attraction and the right kind of work a man puts into it, I can own up to having a violent lust on occassion. Sometimes it is my secret. Sometimes it isn't a secret at all. I know I havn't kept it a secret with you Jon.
I see the other game you're playing with, "look at me, I'll be the underdog now." You seem to minimize how gigantic of a problem it was. I think you're in denial and have your own way of avoidance. I could compare you to the character that was in the Circus movie with Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon. You wouldn't be Robert of course. You would be the circus owner, and sadly, me the elephant who was never even seen as considered with the lists of Reese's you have subjected me to. I am the elephant you hate and love sadistically beating on. You may fight to believe in communism more, and not just for your own communist sake, but for you to say I should control you more and refuse any crumb of freedom for you. You probably will always envision me as this passive aimless person, but I know what I am. I never have wanted to mother a lover the way you expect. I see how someone already rants on you with the Family Guy and "Stewie." I'm not the type of lover you are looking for. Despite history, I was never your underdog or seriously feeling you or any of your women's subject or slave.
I hate the way I have been ignored by you and wish you would just reflect on the actions you have already made. This isn't me giving in to wanting to be your motherly lover either. And because I'm not that role not everything is ok either. You should havn't been such a Liar/ backstabber/ gang rapist/ liar/ hater/ mysogynist/liar sadist/ gory and morbid/ liar/ blindsinding/ subjector/ dictator you were and are. Did I mention the word liar? The impression you left on me is one that is impossible to love. Ike Turner-ish. You had your own time of being Mr. Smith hot stuff Brad Pitt role, but it wore off, and sadly, you and a lot of men don't know what I think of them when they get into their violent hypes. You ignored my emotions too much or intentionally wanted to batter them more.
The times and odds of being the hot stuff Mr. Smith really aren't that often with most men in general. I don't even wish for the sex object of it all. It is sad how some fail to realize their grotesque, egocentric, stuck up their own ass, barbarian that I see them as.
Jon, I really do believe I would be better off in the world without your "attempts of love."
